Sometimes a cup of coffee seems to fix up most of our stress, especially the Monday morning stress we all face. Below is a collection of some good, funny, witty, hilarious, addictive, funny coffee quotes.
Famous funny coffee quotes
- “If heaven had a flavor… It would be coffee!”
- “Espresso is to Italy, what champagne is to France.”
- “It’s time to brew some coffee and splash some quotes to tickle your funny bone and let go of the stress!”
- “Coffee, the 100% natural replacement for sleep.”
- “Life without coffee is a life not lived.”
- “I don’t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without caffeine.”
- “I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.”
- “Coffee can’t cure everything, but it can cure the mornings!”
- “There’s too much blood in my coffee stream.”
- “Coffee… the breakfast of champions.”
- “Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and as sweet as love.”
- “Death before decaf!”
- “Coffee is not a beverage… It’s a moment of pleasure.”
- “What do you want?” “Just coffee. Black – like my soul.”
- “Coffee is a language in itself.” – Jackie Chan
- “I can do all things through prayer and coffee.”
- “Coffee, all the goodness of life in a cup.”
- “I don’t know how people live without coffee, I really don’t.”
- “To me, the smell of fresh-made coffee is one of the greatest inventions.”
- “I sleep just to wake up for coffee!”
- “With enough coffee, I could rule the world.”
- “Yes, I’m a coffee addict and I’m proud of it!”
Coffee quotes
- “A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.”
- “He was my cream, and I was his coffee – And when you poured us together, it was something.”
- “Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.”
- “Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second.” – Edward Abbey
- “Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.” – Dave Barry
- “Way too much coffee. But if it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.”
- “Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?” – Jean Kerr
- “I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.”
- “Humanity runs on coffee.”
- “If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.”
- “I wake up some mornings and sit and have my coffee and look out at my beautiful garden, and I go, ’Remember how good this is. Because you can lose it.”
- “Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard.” – Anne Spencer
- “Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.”
- “Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.”
- “Good ideas start with brainstorming. Great ideas start with coffee.”
Coffee lover quotes
- “I never laugh until I’ve had my coffee.”
- “The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.”
- “My birthstone is a coffee bean.”
- “I would rather suffer from coffee than be senseless.”
- “Life without coffee is like something without something… sorry, I haven’t had any coffee yet.”
- “Coffee first. Schemes later.”
- “Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.”
- “I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.”
- “I want someone to look at me the way I look at coffee.”
- “Everyone should believe in something. I believe I will have another coffee.”
- “What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup.”
- “Sometimes I look forward to going to bed at night because I know I know that when I wake, I get coffee.”
- “As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?”
- “Way too much coffee. But if it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.”
- “To make me happy: Make me coffee, bring me coffee, be coffee… coffee.”
Sarcastic coffee quotes and status messages
- “No matter what historians claimed, BC really stood for ‘Before Coffee.”
- “As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?” – Cassandra Clare
- “Decaf coffee only works if you throw it at people.”
- “Why, yes, I could start my day without coffee. But I like being able to remember things like how to say words and put on pants.”
- “Coffee is my favorite co-worker.”
- “Coffee is a language in itself.” – Jackie Chan
- “A yawn is a silent scream for coffee.”
- “Sometimes I go hours without drinking coffee. It’s called sleeping.”
- “Any friend of coffee is a friend of mine!”
- “Coffee: The Gasoline of life.”
Inspirational coffee quotes
- “Caffeine and sugar, the two basic food groups.”
- “I’d stop drinking coffee, but I’m not a quitter.”
- “The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportional to the quantity of coffee he drinks.”
- “We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.”
- “But even a bad cup of coffee is better than no coffee at all.”
- “I was taken by the power that savoring a simple cup of coffee can have to connect people and create community.” – Howard Schultz
- “Coffee – The most important meal of the day.”
- “I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.”
- “I believe humans get a lot done, not because we’re smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee.”
- “May your coffee kick in before reality does.”
Morning coffee quotes
- “I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.” – Lewis Black
- “Nothing can replace sleep, but coffee can do it best. I love coffee.” – Kelley O’Hara
- “When traveling with someone, take a large dose of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee.” – Helen Hayes
- “I’m not a morning person: I can’t function until I’ve had a coffee – or several.” – Alastair Reynolds
- “I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee.” – Terri Guillemets
- “Some of the world’s most effective thoughts happen over a brew of morning coffee.” – Prabhukrishna M
- “Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it’s hard to go back to sleep.” – Fran Drescher
- “I just wanted to share a virtual cup of coffee with you… I thought it would be a nice way to begin our day.”
- “I could smell myself awake with that coffee.” – Jaesse Tyler
- “Morning coffee is my favorite way of starting the day, settling the nerves so that they don’t later fray.” – Marcia Carrington
- “Coffee – because bad mornings deserve a second chance.”
- “I love the sunrise, as I am definitely a morning person! It’s a great time to get up and have a coffee in the garden by myself before everybody wakes up.” – Bianca Balti
- “Without my morning coffee, I’m just like a dried-up piece of a goat.” – Johann Sebastian Bach
- “The morning cup of coffee has an exhilaration about it which the cheering influence of the afternoon or evening cup of tea cannot be expected to reproduce.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes
- “Without my morning coffee, I’m just like a dried-up piece of a goat.”
Good morning coffee wishes for special ones
- “My week on Wednesday and coffee once upon a time in a bed to wildflowers.”
- “I hope your day begins with love, happiness, and a great cup of coffee. Have a wonderful day.”
- “Good days start with coffee and a smile. Wishing you both today. Good morning.”
- “I can appreciate coffee without cream, a night without lights, meals without rice, a burger without cheese, but never a day without greeting you! Good Morning!”
- “Be like coffee, strong enough to leave a lasting impression on anyone who has dared to have a taste of you. Good morning and have a wonderful day.”
- “I love you just as much as I love coffee. My coffee cup reminded me of you this morning. Wishing you a great morning and day ahead.”
- “The best way of waking up is to open your eyes to a hot jar of coffee. Open your eyes, your coffee awaits you.”
- “Coffee is not a drink. It is an emotion. Waking up to coffee is the best way to wake up! Good morning your cup is waiting.”
- “I can do with coffee without sugar but not see the sunrise without you. Wish you a good morning.”
- “A coffee from me and something extra: a hug a smile and a magnificent day. Good Morning!”
- “You were on my mind, so I thought I’d share a cup of coffee with you! Good Morning, have a great day!”
- “Here is a virtual cup of coffee to help you begin your day. Wake up and brew your way to the day.”
- “Wake up! A sweet morning is waiting for you.”
- “The day has begun, drink coffee, smile, and be thankful for the life you have.”
- “I was thinking of you this morning. So thought of sending you a morning coffee. Have a wonderful day.”
- “If your eyes are sweet you would like all the people of the world. But if your tongue is sweet all the people of the earth will like you! Good Morning!”
- “Coffee doesn’t ask questions, it understands. God too doesn’t ask questions, he just gifts you a new day with a new hope. Have a lovely day.”
- “A person is as strong as you deserve a strong cup of coffee. Good morning!”
- “A special coffee for you, mixed with care and happiness… Good Morning!”
- “Sharing is always good. This morning I’d like to share my love, affection, and a cup of coffee with you.”
Cute coffee quotes
- “A bad day with coffee is better than a good day without it.”
- “To me, the smell of fresh-made coffee is one of the greatest inventions.”
- “Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee.”
- “There’s nothing sweeter than a cup of bitter coffee.” – Rian Aditia
- “I like my coffee as I like myself: strong, sweet, and too hot for you.”
- “Love is in the air, and it smells like coffee.”
- “No coffee can be good in the mouth that does not first send a sweet offering of odor to the nostrils.” – Henry Ward Beecher
- “I’m not addicted to coffee, we’re just in a committed relationship.”
- “It’s amazing how the world begins to change through the eyes of a cup of coffee.”
- “If you are not coffee, chocolate, or bacon, I’m going to need you to go away.”
- “Coffee in England always tastes like a chemistry experiment.” – Agatha Christie
- “Black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel, sweet as love.”
- “I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now.”
- “It’s strange how drinking cups of water seems impossible, but 8 cups of coffee go down like a chubby kid on a see-saw.”
- “I think if I were a woman I’d wear coffee as a perfume.” – John William Van Druten
Famous coffee quotes and sayings
- “It’s amazing how the world begins to change through the eyes of a cup of coffee.” – Donna A. Favors
- “Adventure in life is good; consistency in coffee even better.” – Justina Chen
- “The second cup of coffee is never as good as the first.” – Theodore Roosevelt
- “Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee.” – Stephanie Piro
- “Coffee was food in that house, not a drink.” – Patricia Hampl
- “Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.” – Terry Pratchett
- “People don’t stop eating, and they don’t stop drinking coffee.” – Magic Johnson
- “Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.” – Terry Pratchett
- “Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.” – Earl Wilson
- “I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee.” – Carly Simon
- “I don’t see the point in caffeine without coffee. Or coffee without caffeine, for that matter.” – Robyn Schneider
- “The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportioned to the quantity of coffee he drinks.” – James Mackintosh
- “Coffee, the favorite drink of the civilized world.” – Thomas Jefferson
- “Coffee makes us severe, and grave, and philosophical.” – Jonathan Swift
- “It turned out people truly did cry into their coffee cups.” – Jodi Picoult
Coffee quotes for Mondays and work
- “I’m going to start measuring the complexity of coding tasks in coffee cups. This was a five-espresso algorithm.”
- “May your coffee be strong and your Mondays be short.”
- “It’s not procrastinating if you’re drinking coffee. It is ‘procaffeinating’.”
- “People say money can’t buy happiness. They lie. Money buys coffee, coffee makes me happy!”
- “Nothing says coffee like six o’clock in the morning.”
- “The road to success is paved in coffee.”
- “Today’s good mood is sponsored by coffee.”
- “I only need coffee on days ending in a ‘y’.”
- “When life gives you lemons, trade them for coffee.”
- “Good morning, all you need is love and a little coffee. Happy Monday!”